A Little About A Lot
I feel like writing about myself, maybe you want to get to know me better, maybe you don’t. If you don’t stop reading… now. For all those that stayed, welcome to my bizarre little mind.
Okay first off a random fact. In informal writing I use ellipses way too often and not even in the right way. I am sorry if this annoys you, it just makes writing flow better in my head. I feel like when reading in your head a single period doesn’t make you pause long enough. Maybe its just me.
Standing over 200cm tall I am literally a giant. I am 203cm (6’8”) tall and weigh approximately 150kgs (330lbs) to this figure is inaccurate and can change dramatically, unlike my height. Household scales loose accuracy over 100kgs and usually don’t go over 125kgs anyway.
My weight holds a lot of insecurities over me, tho in honest logical thought I am not that fat. Try telling that to my emotions tho. My BMI classes me as between obese and morbidly obese on any given day. I am not, but it still makes me feel fat to hear this. In actuality, I have a bit of a muffin top and some slight man boobs.
I walk lots and holding this weight up all day has given me amazing physical strength. I still find myself surprised a lot of the time at what I can lift comfortably and what I can do with a little struggle. For example I helped a friend move a few months ago and I carried a good quality 3 seater couch (sofa, lounge) by myself without even thinking about it. Then when I saw her gawking, realized.
People call me “too nice” often, I am still deciding whether it is a bad thing or not. Even if it is I cant change it I can’t help but be nice. Even when I am really angry at someone, or annoyed, I am more concerned by how it is going to affect them if I go off than me. My usual strategy when really frustrated is to walk away and find something harder than myself (ie a brick wall) and punch it until my knuckles swell.
I have not hit another person (apart from play fighting) for 10 years. I am a pacifist and proud of it. The last fight I got into I was 13, tho it wasn’t really a fight. I kneed the other kid (Terry) in the chest and almost killed him. 3 of his ribs were cracked and 2 punctured his lung. So scared of what I can do I cultivated serenity within myself and found new ways to deal with my emotions.
Being so in touch with my emotions has its benefits and down falls. First off I set off a lot of “gaydars”, people often think I am gay. I have wondered if I am and in denial, but upon experimentation can be fairly certain I am not attracted sexually to my fellow man. I have never once been approached by a woman but men, I get regularly. Sometimes I will be cheeky and let them buy me a couple drinks before telling them I am straight.
Some of my girl-friends contribute this to the main reason I am single. My femininity is either too off putting or I appear to be fake and by the time girls realize I am ACTUALLY this nice they have filled me away as “friend” or that which I loathe the most (from people I am attracted to) “big brother”. I easily (and happily) have a lot more female friends than male.
I am non particularly fond of men in general. It’s not personal, it is the culture I have grown up in and continue to live in. Men still feel the need to act tough and quite often be jerks. The way men talk about women behind their back is one of the things that irks me the most, but being male I do understand the reason behind it. I am very sexually minded. I understand this is considered normal for men, but I have proven to myself that I am worse. (I have recently started a second blog to explore my sexuality through writing, writingvicariously.tumblr.com, not for the innocent)
To balance this out I also have excelent self control. I think this is part of my problem with men, most of them don’t and will do nearly anything for sex, then brag (and exaggerate) about it. It also leaves me being the one always having to do the right thing and getting frustrated at other people for not… It is my own fault I guess. I should be more normal.
I am finishing this here for now because I am getting a little bored :P tho I will edit this post later when I can be bothered. When it is finished I am going to like to it from my personal blog description thingy. Anything you lovely people would like to know? put it in my ask box.