Love & Sex. (not necessarily in that order)
I have been having a stunted conversation with one of my fellow tumblr’s and constrained by the character limit on the “reply” function. I want to use this space to discuss something that is very important and very sensitive to a lot of people. Sex.
Before I start I would like to say I am not an expert, I am not a wise man, nor a prophet. I have opinions and nothing more. Everything I say here or anywhere could be completely wrong and I accept that, just like I hope you can also accept the fact that what you believe true could also be wrong. Don’t be hating!
First off, I like sex. I haven’t had any in a while, but it’s good fun. The first girl I had sex wasn’t my girlfriend and I wasn’t in love with her. Sex is one of the most enjoyable experiences a man or woman can have. It’s free, legal (mostly) and good exercise (no wonder its so popular). I believe you can have sex for sex’s sake. You find someone you are attracted to but not necessarily in love with, you find they are attracted to you and BAM! You have a great night (or nights, depending) and thats that. No one is hurt, everyone leaves with a smile on their face.
This unfortunately isn’t always the case, and this is where sex rears its ugly little head. People lie, cheat, scam, force, coerce, bribe, pay and do just about anything they can for sex. These people are greedy. I am pretty sure that the majority of people on this planet have been hurt physically or emotionally due to sex. Statistics show that 1 in 3 women are sexually abused in their lifetime. A THIRD OF WOMEN ARE TREATED LIKE EMOTIONLESS OBJECTS! and that is despicable. Out of the 2/3 that aren’t abused I’m sure a majority of them have still been coerced or tricked. Unfortunately there are a lot of greedy people out there, men and women (don’t think its just women that are used)
You touch a flame, you get burned, you learn not to touch it again. A simple analogy for a complex problem. You can’t just go “oh! thats what a sexual predator looks like” but you do learn. We get hurt, over and over and over again in our lives for this exact reason, every single person that hurts us is bringing us closer to perfection. We cant live in fear of the pain. That is a lot easier said than done as someone who has been completely heartbroken and shattered I know to some people this sounds like an impossibility. All I can say to those people is give it time. As corny as it sounds you do need time to heal. Ancient warriors had battle scars, well so do we.
Love and sex comes down to one thing, trust. You trust them with your body, or your emotions, or your heart, or all three. It is up to your judgment who to trust and it is one of the hardest things we can do. Don’t let fear affect your judgment, let your wisdom and experience. Don’t expect to always get it right, but take it as a lesson. You might not always want to learn but you have to.
Making love and having sex are different. There is a different mindset and a different set of emotions. When you have good sex (and despite the last few paragraphs you can have good sex) you are having honest, lusty fun. You make each other feel good physically but leave the emotionality out of it. When you make love to someone you fill it with emotion, every touch, kiss and caress is done with love. With experience you can feel the difference. Before you have sex with someone, decide for yourself whether it is making love or just sex. Then try and figure out what the other party see’s it as. If you are both wanting the same thing go for it.
Some people are ready before others. This is an under appreciated fact. Some people are ready willing as soon as they hit puberty, others want to wait for a myriad of reasons. Beliefs, self image, maturity, peer pressure, experience and a million other things can affect a persons want of sex. This is their choice and you should never try to sway them.
If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner or lover (whatever they are to you) that isn’t ready, Do Not Pressure Them. It is not something they control or should need to control. If the first time you have sex with someone is pressured or forced they will not enjoy it, you have hurt them and you have ruined your chances at any sort of serious relationship. If you’re ready and they’re not maybe the time isn’t right for you to be together. I am not saying to dump someone because they wont have sex but be honest with yourself and them, if it’s important to you then you should leave and never make it about them. It is not a fault of theirs that they aren’t ready (nor is it a fault of yours for being ready).
Bottom line is sex is a choice, a risk and something beautiful. Love is a choice, a risk and something beautiful. But they are not the same thing. Respect yourself, respect others and love freely.
If you have any questions, comments, rants, ideas or videos of interprative dance you would like to share feel free to email me (jack dot mcentee at gmail dot com), post in my ask box or on twitter @jackmcentee I would love to hear from you <3
P.S. Reblog please!! I think this needs to be shared around :/